Choosing to place a child for adoption is a difficult decision, especially when you are raising others.
When you recognize your time, energy, and resources aren’t there to care for another little one, what are your options? Concerned about how to explain placing a new baby for adoption to your other children? It’s always best to be honest. We’ve got some ideas to help you.
Is It Wrong to Place a Sibling for Adoption?
It is never wrong to want the best for your children.
You, more than anyone else, understand the cost and time necessary to raise your children. Food, diapers, childcare, and clothing are just some of the expenses. If one of your children has special needs, the costs are even higher. If you do not have other family members to assist you, there is only so much of you to go around.
Beginning the Conversation
Before you discuss placing a sibling for adoption with your current children, be sure the decision is firm. You want to be confident once you start the conversation. If you are still contemplating the idea, wait to mention it.
Once you have determined you are making an adoption plan, these are other issues to take into consideration:
- What are the ages of your children?
- Are you currently in a relationship with your children’s father?
- Are you still in a relationship with the father of the baby?
- Do you have someone in your life connected to adoption?
Offer Age-Appropriate Information
If your children are very young, choose age-appropriate books from the library to present the idea of adoption. Movies such as Elf or Annie are also helpful for starting the conversation. You can role-play with their stuffed animals or dolls, too.
Older children may understand the financial struggle but deserve a full explanation of why you are making this choice. The movie Secondhand Lions could be a good conversation starter for older children.
Use Appropriate Adoption Language
Many people use the phrase “giving up a baby for adoption.” A loving mother never gives up her children. She makes a plan for their lives.
Although your pregnancy was unplanned or unexpected, never use the term “unwanted.” All your children are wanted, but not all can be properly cared for in your home.
Use appropriate adoption terms, like “placing the baby” for adoption or “making an adoption plan.” You do not want your children to associate adoption with giving up.
Reassure Your Children Over and Over
Choosing adoption is a concept that takes time to understand. Assure your children they are loved and will stay with you. Let them know they will always have a sibling, but other parents will raise them.
Take the time to explain the adoption process to them. If they are older, engage them in choosing the potential adoptive family. Have them meet with your representative at Christian Family Services. We know how to help them understand what adoption means.
Once you choose an adoptive family for the child you are carrying, have your children color pictures or write letters to the adoptive parents. Christian Family Services facilitates a meeting between birth and adoptive families. If you choose, your children can meet and interact with the adoptive family before you place your baby with them.
After the baby is born, let your children meet the new baby and send a special toy or stuffed animal with them and their new family.
Continue talking to your children. Share photos and letters you receive from the adoptive family. Don’t be afraid to show some emotion. They need to see this was a difficult decision for you, too.
How Christian Family Services Can Assist You
We encourage you to look closer at the many services we provide our expectant moms and their families. Our most important service is 24/7 emotional support and care. As your little ones ask questions, we can help you answer them.
Making an adoption plan can be a stressful time when you have other children at home. But we want you to know we’ll be right by your side along the way. Schedule a no-cost appointment to meet with us and discuss your situation. We’re here to help you.
